Wish you were here…

I wished to post the Pink Floyd song…But they singed about othere sings (alienation and not finding in place..). So i took the title and I am posting a Sinatra song…

One of his best.. About love at first sight… That beautifull love when you know you found your love… So rare. And somehow painfull to hear it. Because she is not here…. And somehow I think she will never be…

Not even for the second Sinatra song …

In most of cases if you want really something, you can get it. But if you pass it, you will never get it… I am not God’s gift to women. I know it. I am what I am. But I am. With goods and bads. My bads are not bad enough to get the villain role. My goods cast me rather the role of the local guy rather than the lonely hero who came to save the town. That one is getting all the attention. I … belong to the background of tapestry. And like in real life without the background the hero is doomed… But she can’t see it. The real hero is not the lonely one but the real one. The lonely one …. is perfect and doesn’t exists.

Yup. She’ll never came. Why bother hoping… It keeps you alive. Why be alive? You can live without being alive fairly well. No pain. A dead heart can feel no pain. It is not the first time to write it. When I first said it I thought I will kill my heart. Didn’t succeded. Glad now of that. So, a little wiser now, I will not intent to kill it. But just let it die.

She should have been here. If she really wanted it. But she didn’t wanted it that hard. And I need she to really want it. To strove hard to be here. Cocky? Nope. Just to be shure she isn’t a fraud. I do not know if I am a fraud. But I do not need to judge myself. That evaluation belongs to her.

A test? Nope. Tests kill everything. A reasesment? More likely. A kind of „when a chain of good things lead to a bad situation…” .

Intuition is not part of a man’s gifts. But I have glances… And they hurt. Not pride, that is long gone.. just hurts me. And even that is fair… If there is something unfair it is the way history repeats itself with obstinacy… (someone could say – because of you! you react the same because you are yourself. Change yourself and history will change too. Maybe. But if I change I will not be me anymore… )

Best stories are simple and short. No use to dream of electric sheeps anymore.

She will not come. Ever. It is a fact. Facts cannot be disputed. Just asumed. And there is a good part in it: no more electric sheeps in dreams…..


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